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I was raised in a very rough household.

We were not rich. We didn't have a whole lot, and alot of times, didn't have each other. My parents loved me, but the moment I did something wrong, I was screamed at, got my ass blistered, and sent away to another room. Most of the time, it was over the most insignificant shit. My parents frustrations were taken out on me.

My mother especially was a wretched woman. A lot of the reasons I resent her so much now are from how I was brought up. You can only sit back and watch the same bullshit so many times before you lose hope in a person.

I guess her way of dealing with things was seeing who had the loudest voice.

I think that stuck with me, even if unwillingly. When something gets to the end of my already short fuse, I lose my patience with it. Its admittingly a problem, and one thats hard to fix.

I'm not proud of myself, not by any means, and going about how to find patience, especially with children, is an extremely difficult task.

Finding patience with Cooper is hard. I don't know how to handle his tantrums, and crying fits. It stresses me out to the point of no end, to where I actually get a migraine from it.

I know raising my voice don't help any, but for some reason, in my head it does.

He does not deserve to be raised like I was. He deserves a house with a living family, and proper (not unnecessary) discipline.

I've got a find a way to wrangle the demons I have inside me with my temper, and kill them. I can do it, I know this. Suppose it just another major learning curve for me in my new role as a father.

He's going to be a model of me when he's older, God forbid he becomes modeled after this piece of shit.

I refuse to let that happen.

I love my son with all my heart and soul, and he deserves better than to grow up around a person like how I am, so I've got to find out how to become a more tolerant person. My family's sake depends on it...

"Remember, your child relies on you to teach them what's right and wrong. If you can't handle your own short switch, how are you going to control your child"?