*witty blog post title*

So it's been almost 2 days, and I'm making progress in my grief.

It's just the weirdest feeling. My dad and I were so close, he meant the world to me as a father, and now he is gone. Although I do take a lot of solace in knowing he's not sick, hurting, or otherwise suffering anymore, there is still that part of me that is not ready to say goodbye.

We'll be doing Christmas and spending time with the family, then on monday, we'll have the funeral.

"I can do this. I'm strong". Those words stay in my head like a song on repeat.

My father will be buried at Port Hudson National Military Cemetery in Zachary, LA. He was a marine, a Vietnam veteran, and has earned his spot.

In the Marines, he was an M14 & M1 rifle expert marksman. A .45 pistol expert marksman. Numerous medals for sharpshooting. And was a land mine/demolitions expert.

Basically, he was good at hitting his marks.

So...

Baby stuff.

I'm getting really excited, scared, anxious, nervous, and so forth about becoming a dad. Hopefully next week we can get to the Dr. and start making sense of the crazy weeks ahead.

I'm really hoping it is a boy, so he can be named after my dad.

If it's a boy, his first name will be William.

If we have a little girl, her middle name will be Hart.

I'm not ready for a poopy diaper.

How can someone give me a child, with no directions, packaging, or anything, and expect ME of all people to know what to do?

Does this thing come with a manual?

Can I order it online?

Is their and on/off switch

Hmm... so many questions, and thankfully lots of internet and books to answer them.

Today was a pretty great afternoon.

Clay & Jenn came over, and we all spent the time outside. Me, Clay, and Jack-Jack throwing footballs and tennis balls, and Jenn, Niki, & Liana doing... doing... girl stuff? I don't know.

But that whole time, it felt great. Like a family. A feeling I could really use right now.

I'll go back to work tomorrow, which will be good. They gave me 2 days off, so I could grieve and handle the frustrating parts of my fathers death; the funeral arrangements, and all that. Which has been just as expected.... frustrating.

I know I have more to say, but I'm really hungry, and I need to do a little more christmas shopping...

My dad.

Late december, 2004. Before he got sick. And how I'll always remember him.